I wrote a book.
Those darn bar trivia games. Well darn it, I should have known Bree Olsen was the AVN scarlet of the year.
Here’s a more meaningful question… What’s required on all TPS reports at Initech?
On-On to the telling of the 116th running.
Coming off an amazing weekend of hashing courtesy of the DC area, I figured I should bring even more back to VH3. Always try to bring the songs in, I need to be reminded of my old favorites as well. Variety is key, keep the pack on their toes on what’s next… even if I would be a solo artist when it comes to the songs. I’ll make sure to put the lyrics out at the end of this. Looking at the trail aspect, if a booming metro area like DC can ALWAYS find heavy shiggy and amazing trails, a smaller town like Birmingham should have all kinds of places. I’m now on a mission to find some crazy places for the next hash I hare. Well next one in a few weeks.
Speaking of haring…… I talked with Creek Cheeks and we’ve come to a conclusion that we should have a Magic City Full Moon Hash this Friday. So if the GM happens to be reading this, please inquire! Start location is probably going to be the Shopps at Montevallo. Get back to me!!!!!!!!!
So back to the joys of airline travels, delays are always fun, you know what makes delays fun are when you are not in a hurry to get to your destination. I love Birmingham, but I was having a blast this weekend and I didn’t want it to end. The airline delay was good enough to keep me in DC an extra day so I could spend more time with Nightcrawler. (Formerly Malignant, and thank goodness that name finally disappeared)
Alright so I get back to work right after my flight and I snuck in through the side door and got to my desk. 5 minutes later, I was in like I was in the whole entire day. “Yeeaaaahh I’m going to need those TPS reports ASAP, that would be greeeaaat”
Nothing else exciting going on, just happy to make it to the hash. Trak Shak in Homewood was what I was looking forward to. I was pretty dehydrated though. So I went ahead and went into a Shell Station for a bottle of PowerAde. Starting to get boring right? Well, I always feel like being an avenger when it comes to people being ignorant wrong doers. I went in and picked up my PowerAde, and waited behind the person who was checking out. Well there’s a sign that clearly states, no cell phones at the register. This guy was on his phone talking up a storm, he was very loud, obnoxiously loud. You could probably hear him across the street with the door closed. I decided to pick up my phone and started to scream my lungs out into my phone. HEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYY, I’M BUYING A POWERADE! I’M INTENSE LIKE THAT. I LOVE BUYING POWERADES. I’M ALSO GOING TO PICK UP 8 REDBULLS AND DOWN ALL 8 IN LESS THAN ONE MINUTE!!!
”Hey do you mind, can’t you see I’m on the phone?” Oblivious, my message did not work.
Ignorant guy 1, me 0
Moving on, get to the Trak Shak and I saw a nice majority of the pack at the start already. Wow, we are getting there early! Location is the key so I’ve heard.
Banana Grabber was there taking notes, or doing up more artwork, and also taking up the hashcash. Yes, ALWAYS BEFORE the hash. Missionary Impossible, SHTF, and others were sitting on the benches. We had a returning hasher from a long time ago. Tina Gordon On Top. The rest of the pack made it in. SHTF got everybody heavily involved with his margarita Jell-O Shots. Very nice although a lot of us couldn’t figure out how much kosher salt to use. Luckily if you get too much kosher salt, it actually tastes pretty good. Not like regular salt where it will be a nightmare! Steamy Carrot being the hare made his marks and showed us another marking that we haven’t used in forever and that was a back check. I went ahead and decided to explain the hash marks while everyone else ignored the circle in the beginning. We’ll have to work on that. I’ll get more interesting things going for our 10 minute waiting period. The hash-ups need to come back!!
10 minutes passed and the hounds were off straight up the hill towards Oxmoor Rd. There was an intersection with a few marks going 2 each way, but the main focus led to the left. Down Oxmoor towards HWY 31. We were pretty convinced that trail would cross the tunnel and end up hashing around Hollywood Blvd. But wait a minute! Back Check 30!!! So first time for everything and we did figure it out, the 30 marks carried over 3 intersections. There are no rules, but darn it! You can’t do that! Hey like I said, we still got it figured out! Intersections represent true trail markings. And a back check does represent true trail…hmmm maybe it doesn’t. I don’t know!!!
We got it, so then it went down the hill across the street from our first intersection as if we were running the normal Wednesday route. This is where the trail got very creative. Some point during the trail Plug and Grub called out Betty Boobs for Yelling out “Go Tina”, he said “Nerd Name!” Well… Tina Gordon is a hash name!
Strange having a name for a name name for a hash name. Keep it in mind, we have 2 reasons to drink already!
After running through alleyways and up hills, we came across the beer check. Water, beer and Jell-O (the darn spell check likes to spell it that way). YGTBKM made a point to tell the pack to save the water for the DFLs. I decided to get exciting by playing left field and mentioned how Mt. Vernon H3 had over 100 in attendance and put down only a 12 pack for their beer check. That’s just them though, and they make up for it in other aspects.
Another point to get across, follow trail and not hashers. Look down and not ahead. The person you are following might not be on trail! Also when you see someone bolt across a busy street, you might want to look both ways before you decide to follow. There might have been a good reason why that person ran across the road so fast! They ran fast enough for them to clear the road and not get hit and had no idea someone would follow them a split second later!
The pack came in and finished trail fairly close to each other. We decided to have down-downs behind the Trak Shak. No law enforcement please! We had no law enforcement, but we did have the nice smell of hot garbage. That sounds like a nice hash name. “Hot Garbage”
Summary of the down-downs
Hare
Steamy Carrot. Great job
FRBs
Our Front running bastards who once again argued over who was the fleetest of foot ended up being a tie: Missionary Impossible and NFN DennisFBI
Tina Gordon on TopDFLs
Plug, Banana, Boop Job, and YGTBKMHare snare
Sleazy came across a hare (the animal, not Steamy)Anniversaries
Boobnana and YGTBKMSafety 3rd
Missionary Impossible. When I mentioned earlier about looking both ways and not following someone else’s example… Missionary Impossible!Hash-it
Tina Gordon on Top for identity theftAutohashers
SHTF and Creek CheeksThose who stayed out of trouble
Count Doncula, Dueling Banjos, Betty Boobs, NFN _____, Cotton Eye HoScrewing up the down-downs all the time
BeanieHare infraction
Steamy- the back check that carried over intersections.
Hare next week: Tina Gordon on Top and Cotton Eye Ho
Competition shirts: If you were spotted with the shirt on, you are to get a drink and why fight the honor of the down down! NFN Dennis and Tina Gordon who should be happy about the less than suspenseful Celtics win over the Lakers. Tina should work on the Boston accent. “Pahk youh cah and come into Sticks N’ Stuff for wicked good deals”
Anniston H3: Oak Mountain The 21st. Alright I will find out later on today if we have to be out by 8.
Maybe maybe: MCH3 Friday night
Alright kids, the new hit singles introduced were these:
FRB Song:
They say you are the fastest
You won the hash today
But you're not so fast you bastard
You short cut all the way
You never even saw the trail
What will the others say
The Hares may say you're lucky
But we'll all say you're gay (or Okay)Debaucherous Kid:
I don't want to sober up,
cause I'm a debaucherous kid.
There's a millions half-minds at hash,
that I can drink with.
From hounds and hares,
to people getting bare,
it's the coolest fucking club there is.
Well I don't want to sober up,
cause maybe if I did,
then I wouldn't be a debaucherous kid.
Look these over for next week: Need outside down-downs!!!
I Wanna Be Sedated:
Twenty twenty twenty four hours to go,
So I masturbated
Nothin’ to do not even a ho
So I masturbated
Give me a box of kleenex
And some vasilene
Hurry hurry hurry
I gotta pull my ween
I can't control my fingers, I can't control my load
Oh no oh no oh no
Down down down down, down down down down down,
I masturbated
You gotta hash for your right to party!
(to the tune of Beastie Boys, You Gotta Fight For Your Right To Party)
You wake up late for the hash - man you really wanna go
You ask the hotline, "where?" - but it still says, "Onslow!"
You missed two intersextions - and no titcheck
But your running around screaming ON-ON like you're some kind of freak
(chorus) You gotta Hash for your right to party
The Hare caught you shortcutting - and he said, "No way!"
That hypocrite – shortcuts every other day
Man, hashing alone is such a drag
Now your RA threw out the only song you know (Bust it!)
(repeat chorus)
Don't come to this hash if that’s your llama over there!
I'll kick you out of my circle if you don't drink that beer
Your girlfriend busted in and said, "What's that noise?"
Aw, Sally you're just jealous - it's the Vulcan Boys!
-- Mr. Beanie Weenie